Letter from the Editor While I was in Thailand this summer, I went through an array of emotions, trying to decide whether I should, or even could, move there permanently, whether or not to continue publishing High Maintenance and even whether I should shut down my website completely. Change is never easy. Big changes, like moving, being unemployed or changing careers, getting married or divorced, or having a child, a death, or major illness in the family, are all significant enough to be considered "major stressors." I was dealing with most of these issues. Actually, I still am. I may sell my home and move to Thailand. I didn't "have" a child but I'm totally enraptured by our unofficially adopted daughter B, and her well-being is taken into consideration in every decision I make. I had my husband move into a larger apartment with a room for B, even though we don't know yet if she'll come live with us. To get this place, we had to pay six months rent in advance. My precious twelve-year-old cat, Tigger, is dying of kidney disease. I don't think she'll make it through to the publication of this issue of HM. My ten-year-old dog, Dusty, is into her second year of being diabetic. I give her two insulin shots every day. Despite my being very careful about what she's allowed to eat and making sure she is very well taken care of, she is going blind in one eye and I really don't know how much longer she will live. The poll I took to determine if I could get enough subscribers who would pay for High Maintenance, in order for me to justify the amount of work it takes me, was a depressing reality check. While I thought High Maintenance was well liked and had value, only about 175 of my 1650 subscribers thought it was worth paying for. While I didn't have a set number, I figured I needed somewhere around 1000 subscribers to make it worthwhile for me. I have a strong feeling this will be the last issue, although that remains to be seen. As I've stated in my emails, I'm also on the verge of closing down the sales portion of my website, too. My mom just informed me that she has about ten percent of her eyesight left. Of the major stressors that can trigger depression or a breakdown, I seem to qualify for nearly all of them. I am NOT at the moment, however, having a breakdown. I basically had one sometime last spring and I haven't recovered from it yet . . . so I have no room in my life for another one! To me, all these things happening at once are really just more of the same! Once I knew that HM wouldn't be bringing me in any income, I really didn't want to publish this issue. But God had other plans for me and insisted that I did. I have my own story to tell and God has made it clear to me that the time has come to tell it. It's not something I want to do. It will be a painful process. I'm four days from publication and I haven't written one word of it. When I'm finished with my story, I fully expect High Maintenance will be finished too. But that too is up to God and He hasn't yet told me the future of this magazine. Despite the uncertainty of my future, where I'll be living, whom I'll be living with, how I'll earn a living, etc., I'm actually quite optimistic about it. I just hope to handle whatever God throws at me with grace and strength. Lisa A. Lawrence
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