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The Esmé Show

by

Tracy Weston

Episode 5

Attack of the Botox!

Lulu: Dr. Littlechap...
Dr. L: DAMMIT! DON'T INTERRUPT ME!

Lulu: Dr...remember.. the PLAN to destroy Tyler and Sydney???
Dr. L: Oh yeah... COOL!!

 

Lulu: What is that Dr?
DR. L:

 

It's a special concoction of Botox and Collagen...plus a secret ingredient.  This is sure to ruin Tyler and Sydney!!!

 

Lulu: Tyler and Sydney are going to be at an exclusive Spa...
Dr. L: MOIHAHAHAHAHA! MOIHAHAHAHA! MOIHAHAHAHA!

Esme: Welcome to The Esme Show!  Happy 4th of July!
Sydney: Mei Li is such a tramp.  Who does she think she is?
Mei Li That's my outfit BITCH!!
Tyler: I'm hungry

Esme: Later today we'll have a special guest, but first the ladies will introduce themselves...
Sydney: I'm Sydney Chase, owner, Chairman and CEO, Creative Director and all things sacred to the Chase Modeling Agency!
Mei Li: Yeah, only because your daddy gave you the company!!!
Tyler: Dammit, doesn't anybody care what I do??

Esme: Now ladies... let's conduct ourselves in a gracious manner, shall we???
Sydney: You're asking for a mega-dose of bitch-slapping, honey!!
Mei Li: BRING IT ON!!
Tyler: Man, I'm tired of these two always stealing my thunder!

Esme: HEY! THIS IS MY SHOW, DAMMIT! I'm gonna slap the hell outa both of you!!
Sydney: Why don't you pull dragon lady's hair????  Ooooowwwww!
Mei Li: That's it!  I'm leaving!!
Tyler: Mei Li has a big butt.  I'm still hungry.

Mei Li: @*$%@*!!!

 

Esme: All right, little Miss Psycho, why don't you drag your sorry ass off of my stage??
Sydney: Great shoes!
Mei Li: Oh thanks!  You should have seen the salesman!  Whoooo!

Esme: Am I gonna have to kick some ass around here? Every damn time...Every damn time...
Sydney: Oh shut up!  It's great for ratings!  You're not Oprah, for cryin'out loud.
Tyler: Can I get a sandwich for hell's sake?

 

Esme: Our next guest... what's your name?
Man-doll: Hey baby, just call me MAN-DOLL!!
Esme: Boy, are you stupid or something?  What the hell kinda name is Man-doll?
Sydney: RRReeeoww!

Man-Doll: Check out my BUTT!
Sydney: What a shame.
Tyler: Oh NO!  My ass is bigger!!

Esme: I'm just keepin' it real, boy.  You have no ass to speak of...zip, zero, nilch, nada.  You are an assless-man-doll
Man-Doll: but...chicks dig me!
Esme: That's because you're all they've got.

 

Esme: Okay, now the ladies are going to check out an exclusvie spa for some R&R...and a little...maintenance.
Sydney: How would you like to be my live-in house boy?
Man-Doll: This is so cool!
Tyler: Sydney, you bitch!  I saw him first!!!

Esme: All right, get the hell outa here!!!
Tyler: HOW COME I NEVER GET THE MAN-DOLL?????

Lulu: Welcome ladies.  A few rules: No smoking, no drinking and you must follow a strict diet.  We are trying to detox.
Sydney: Sure, no problem.
Tyler: We'll be good as gold!

Dr. L: Okay Lulu...prepare to do EVIL!!!
Lulu: This is too easy Dr.  They'll be so plowed, they won't know what's going on.

Tyler: Want a bon-bon?
Sydney: No thanks. I have all the nourishment I need.

Lulu: Don't make a move!
Sydney: It was just the one time!!!
Tyler: She's not talking about that,you idot!!!

Sydney: This is all you're fault, dumbass.
Tyler: What do you mean, it was YOU'RE idea to come here!! I wanted to go to Ibiza!!

Dr. L: Now I have you both in my evil clutches!!! You shall pay!!
Sydney: Pay for what?  There's no problem, I'm filthy rich.
Tyler: Yeah, me too. Do you take Visa Platinum?

Dr. L: I don't want money! I just want to be evil!!! I'm going to destroy your perfect looks. Moihahahahaa!
Sydney: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sydney: Alex, thank goodness! Untie us!!! Dr. Littlechap injected us with something!!
Alex: Why should I help you?  You're always nasty to me!!
Tyler: I'll give you a pair of Manolos'...make it two pairs!!
Alex: MANOLO BLAHNIK? OKAY!!!

Sydney: I feel okay. I really don't think that nasty little man injected us with anything harmful.  Except...I can't feel my left cheek...
Tyler: Mmmmrrypphsso grlsoggle!!!

Esme Show Episode One

Esme Show Episode Two

Esme Show Episode Three

Esme Show Episode Four

Esme Show Episode Five

Esme Show Episode Seven

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